If We Loved Alike...

the earth will break into little pieces

spread its remnants

all over the galaxy

and fill every heart

every empty eye

every space in everyone's fingernail

the world will fall into

a cycle of inconsistency

an absence of buoyancy

and peace will lack its usual quality

planets will rearrange

the stars will leave

the constellations they once

belonged to

and most of all,

all molecules

that fill every being

will lose its composition

basically,

everything will shatter.

maybe that is why

you don't love me

the way i love you

how i love you greatly.

Beer Night

It was that--
happiness in a bottle--
   Beer.

As soon as
everybody sits down
and gets ready
to share

one, two bottles
shaking the day's stress off
switching to a more relaxed mode
laid-back music enters the background
(it doesn't matter if the music is real)

one, two bottles
turn into one, two cases
of colorful stories,
feelings once kept secret,
and personalities we struggle
to hide under the clothes we wear
or the pretense of sobriety

Isang Huwebes Umulan III

Mahal,

Uuwi na ako
Habang mahina pa ang ulan.

Kasi, tama ka rin naman.
Wala kang hiningi sa akin
Kusa lang akong nagbigay.

Kung tutuusin
Hindi kita kailangan.
Kapara ng
Hindi mo rin ako kailangan.

Ninais kong maging lahat-lahat sa'yo
Bawat hampas ng pighati
Ay iniwasan ko.

Sumakay ako sa alon
Ng matatamis mong kwento
Ng mas matamis mong ngiti
At ng pinakamatamis mong

---at maiiinit pang---

Halik.

Natural,
Nag-impake na ako,

Hindi ko na iinumin
Ang kapeng inihanda mo.

(Baka sa panahong
hipan ko at amuyin ang
pabugso-bugso nitong
halimuyak, ay maalala ko pa
ang mga bulong mo
sa gitna ng mga maulang gabi.)

Sukdulan na.

Sinagad mo at sinunog
Ang mga tulay sa puso ko.

Paalam.


Hindi mo lang ba ako
Pipigilan?

Infidelity

so i sail through
two different oceans
get tossed by two
equally cunning waves

one after another,
one after another,
the one after the another.

(sometimes i get lost in the current)

but i never told you
that its your tide i love the most
because i want you to stay that way
stay beautiful
stay amazing
stay with me

when everyday
i set off to sail
between
one and another,
one and another,
the one and the other.

tonight i should have decided
to quit this satire

but no

i can't

i still long for your scents
and the warmth of her bed
i still dream of your cooking
while i ravish her without shame

and everytime i leave
you behind
to see her, and experience
the lengths of her
salutary liquids

i come back relieved
and complete

but not because she
filled my nights the way you do

but because i see you there,
sleeping soundly in our bed,


and you have never changed.

Booty Call

I can feel it rising
that familiar itch
The longing for some
Weight pulling me down
And taking me high
At the same time
In inexplicably loud breaths
And the aroma of
Sweat and other
Forbidden liquids
Filling the air
Along with
Raspy sounds
of muffled words
of opposite nature
“Yes, yes” and
“stop, don’t, stop”
More “yes, yes”
Until---
Both of us are breathless

Today,
anyone would
Just do
Just fill the void
And take me
home with you

Zero Interest

Unlike what

the tellers

have been telling,

I do not fancy you.

I just come

to your bank often

because I have

checks to

encash, jerk.

The Proposal

Darling,
we can be like this: not lovers
we shall refrain from using
soft tones to describe truths
subtle touches to ascribe promises

we shall call each other
by our given names
and tell our friends that
we shall be referred to separately
and are not expected
to sit beside each other
all the time

there shall no longer be ignitions
at the slightest meeting of skin
no long, meaningful eyelocks,
no compliments.

when i reach out for your body
in the middle of the night
we shall call it unconscious intimacy
no, not intimacy..
unconscious bodily motion,
that's it.

we shall grant each other
100% freedom, flirting and cheating
and infidelity will be words
once remembered
and we shall undress ourselves of
the vulnerabilities we once
found in each other

there will no longer be "i love you"s
no, not even in silence
and meals will be basic
human need for food.
not bond, not interaction,
not fondness.
(not ESPECIALLY fondness.)

there shall be no missing,
no cuddling, no demands,
I will be cutting all our ties,
changing my passwords,
throwing away your memoirs.

and swear in my heart
that I will never look at you
the same way again
or never look at you
at all.

So,
deal?

Sitting Beside Handsome

Sitting beside handsome
Is an intricate art:
A bouquet of anxiety
Grows on your skin
So abruptly,
Yet so daintily,
As if it has happened before.

A familiar feeling, yes,
Like opening your first gift from Santa
Or taking the first strides
Of your pre-school graduation march.

You check your hair,
The oil on your face,
And how your feet look
In those girly slippers.
All of these done
With extreme subtlety.

Your vocabulary shrinks to one-tenth, so,
You mutter words which
Do not sound like words,
So he wouldn’t get the impression
That you want
To talk to him so badly.

And it’s an emotional tug-of-war.
To talk or not to talk.
To talk or not to talk.

Surprisingly, his opinion matters now.
You realize this,
And your heart pounds on your chest,
Your mouth experiences drought,
Your pupils bloom.
But you like it. It’s a fair imitation
Of midday magic.

It was just an ordinary day,
Powdered with good luck,
Embroidered with bliss.

And he has no idea. No.


---


Wrote this sometime in 2008. Inspiration: sitting next to a handsome TV Celebrity. Scribbled this poem in a hurry, like I was chasing the words in my head. 
Published in Dagmay, sometime in 2008
Published in The Best of Dagmay, 2011 (a book collection of the best Dagmay poetry, creative prose and short stories; launched last May 2011)

Isang Huwebes Umulan (back to back with Red Agreda)

Isang Huwebes Umulan (by Red Agreda)

Sa pabagu-bagong ihip ng hangin
Mananatili akong matatag para sa iyo
Nakakalito mang tingnan ang mga patak ng ulan
Asahan mong tutugunan ko ng sagot ang bawat katanungan
Hayaan mong pawiin ko ang iyong takot sa kulog at kidlat
Sana'y makatutulong ang aking boses at yakap
Pangakong ako'y nasa iyong tabi
Sabay tayong iinom ng mainit na kapeng
unti-unti nating hihigupin
Hindi ako uuwi
Tatapusin natin ang ulan--magdamagan man.


The Reply (by Karla Singson)

Naubos ko na ang kape.
Ubos na rin ang mga luha ng langit.
Ni isa, wala akong hiningi sa'yo.

Binaha mo ako ng pangako,
Ng bandeha-bandehadong yakap,
Mga bundok ng dalamhati...
At ang unti-unting ihip
Ng mainit mong pagmamahal.

Hindi naman ako nilamig.
Hindi naman kita tinawag.
Ni isa, wala akong hiningi sa'yo.

Inimibita ko ang kulog at kidlat;
Hindi mo sila kailangang patahimikin.
Kinatha ko ang mga tanong;
Hindi mo sila kailangang burahin.

Umuwi ka na.

Humarap ka sa salamin
Yugyugin mo ang iyong mga balikat

At
kumbinsihin mo
Ang sarili mong
hindi mo ako mahal.

Ni isa, wala akong hiningi sa'yo.


---


Written: Sometime in 2008


Red Agreda is a part-time corporate frog and a full time artist. He takes very beautiful pictures; sometimes they're better than words.

Waning

Are you not tired of me?



Are you not tired of my ways?

My indefinite schedule?

My oh-so-busy life? My loud behavior?

Are you not tired of the pressures I dress you up with?

My arrogance?

My promiscuity?

Tell me,

What kind of coffee do you drink?

Separation

It will only seem like
I hung a giant placard
by my door
saying
goodbye
like how a teardrop
hangs at the curve of my cheek
waiting for you
to solemnly wipe it off

Quietly
I look around
and I find you
sitting in all of the places
where I live my life

I will fold all your memories
and make them seem
like they're not as grand
as they are
or as they used to be

I will go around the house
and put them in places
where I'm not likely to see them:
under a teacup i never use
behind the rice cooker box
or in a stash at the underground basement
where there are things I tend to forget

When I make my bed in the morning
I will flap the sheets
as if I was whisking off all the things
which remind me of you
of that bed
of your scent
and your sweat
and the mild bumps that you leave
everytime you lay there

then I will go to the kitchen,
to the bathroom
to the terrace
and keep everything
good-for-one only
no his-and-hers
no other things in pairs

and when I fixed everything
in the house I used to call my home
I will sit in a corner
indulge in the silence
and as I unplug the telephone cord
I will decide
that I will never
let you hear from me again

not even the sound
of the whimpers when I
cry but do not intend to be heard
not even the sound
of my footsteps as I walk to your door
but turn around and leave anyway
not even the sound
of your name
escaping from my lips
unconsciously when I'm half asleep

not even the sound
of my heart breaking
into pieces
I cannot find
I cannot find
I cannot find




Written: December 28, 2009

Forgetting

So here it is.
Here's how you forget:

do it
one memory each day
and soon enough
you'll find yourself
free from all the kinds
of chains she puts
on you
unknowingly

today, you can
start to forget about her
laughter, no matter how
smoothly it glides
at the sides of your ears,
like the way you pour beer
so that the bubbles don't get
in the way

tomorrow,
you can forget
the way she touches you,
and how your own flesh
responds to the call
of her skin

(or maybe you can
leave the response part
for the day after)

The next day,
try to get away
from all of the places
where both of you
shared pretty good memories
or even those bad ones

forget the first kiss,
the first embrace,
especially the place where
you first saw her and knew
"She's the one"
by the way the sun
glistens on the
apple of her cheeks

So there.
A memory each day.

And when you find yourself
pretty far off
after a few days,
try to take a break
from all the forgetting
and wait up for the
most intense part

Then,
Forget how you loved her.

Forget how quickly it happened
Forget how strongly it hit you
Forget how great it turned out to be

It may take a few days
weeks, months, years even

But yeah,
one memory each day.

Forgetting has never been easier,
hasn't it?




Written: April 5, 2010

I'd Like to Date You Again

Feel the rush of waking up
Singing in the showers
And choosing my clothes giddily
As I look forward to seeing you
In a restaurant
A little too far from home
A little too expensive for our budget

I’d like to gush over your
Sweet late night text messages
Even though they are things
That I’ve heard before
In movies,
In songs,
Wherever

I’d like for you to
Surprise me with flowers on the bedside again
And make me feel like
Miss Universe would pale in comparison
To when I smile in the morning
During our invigorating village jogs
That’s making me blush harder
Than when you first held my hand

Today
I don’t really know
How you spend your days
Do you think of me
As fondly as before?
Do you look forward to
Us seeing again,
As eagerly as before?
Do I still look lovely to you?

I’d like to date you again
For whatever it’s worth

Are you free tonight?

Perhaps after you
Tuck the kids in?

Holding Hands

I like it when

you hold my hand

i like it when

you try to

establish a connection

capture my attention

either in the midst

of a busy crowd

or in the peace of a

midnight slumber